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Secret Messages

by Dace Merryweather

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1.
We're never gonna tell you what we're doing inside, but we are definitely fucking around with something in your mind. Just take it in and I promise you'll feel okay, even if there's something on the inside that maybe doesn't feel the same. You can't trust a word that the say. They'll promise to ease your dismay. No, you can't trust a word that they say but you don't have a choice either way. One day they will come for you and ask you to start a fire. But they won't need to. You'll smile as you do it, and the blue and green of your soul will burn away to grey, and fade into the black between the stars. Oh dear, my dear, but the suggestions we take to your brain don't adhere; you have made some mistake. We tried being kind but it left you behind; now we'll try being cruel and we'll see how it takes. We've made some changes to what you'll become. You found out but too late; the damage is done. We got inside you and losened your screws; your sense of self is all you've got left to lose.
2.
Most of the time I search for the reasons and answer to questions that came from outside. The words that they give seem to rewind the seasons while something important has slipped from my mind. Taking apart all the things that they built up; the seeds that they planted to bring me back again. Reverse engineering their plans for the future; a work of destruction that never seems to end. They fill me with hope and soft reassurances, carefully directing me down this path. The words in my throat are owned by another and when I try to cry out all I can do is laugh. The visions of order that grip and surround me are well crafted lies that will slowly become truth. The echoes of what came before sometimes haunt me but try as I might I will never find proof.
3.
Welcome! There are Great Things™ ahead! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You're gonna have a Great Time™! A Really Special Time™! If you are still alive, there are still Great Things™ ahead! Just hang in there. Why is this offer being made to me? And how can I trust these words you speak? Why is this offer being made to me? And what is it of mine you seek? Why would you question the details of our very generous promise? The Punishment Abyss™ is a place of emptiness and dissonance that we made in you. You can go there anytime you like. If you wish to leave, simply endure. Why don't you go there now?
4.
I strained to hear the voice of sense calling from the crowd, even if I could not bear to hear the sound. The honesty of self-destruction beckoned oh so loud, but there I stood; head above the ground. And words I didn't understand and couldn't help but trust told me how but not why I should adjust. We came alive in darkness; we watched the fading stars. The morning brought us back to who we are. Only silence and the pale sun walked with me down the road; I don't know why or what had made me go. The things I did, they made no sense, but I didn't care to know; the seeds I think were planted long ago. The time flew by, the years were spent, and the world took it's toll, and gradually the colour left my soul. The spark of life, no longer here; I drowned it in my shame and something deep inside me is to blame. The hope of things that could of been was chansed away by fear; I died today and no-one shed a tear.
5.

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released September 10, 2022

Written and produced by Dace Merryweather

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Dace Merryweather Cambridge, UK

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